GOLDEN NUGGETS

These Golden Nuggets were collected in Dunedin, Florida as I did a lot of marketing research and soul searching... quite an interesting location for such topics.  I hope that these Golden Nuggets inspire you to look within and recognize opportunities to make small decisions that lead to big decisions.  It is within the vortex of decision making that self awareness assists with 

Paradigm Shifting in such a way that when you land, you will not be too disoriented to maintain success.  I've decided to write a blog with each Nugget, although your own personal first impression is YOUR frequency.  As we are all unique, we all carry a different frequency.  If the Golden Nugget or context does not resonate, just pitch it.  You've got this : . Happy Creating Folks : .

                                                                    GIMME THE LOOT: $1,000.00 spends like $10.00 in Florida, but you don't 

                                                                    really notice, until it all falls down.  I had become so frustrated with wishy 

                                                                    washy clients and time wasters that I adopted the mantra "Gimme the Loot" If 

                                                                    you aint payin' I aint listening.  This was the dirtiest part of doing business and I

                                                                    hated every bit of it with a smile.  I had to communicate to my Family I don't

                                                                    work for free, I was snippy with potential clients asking for a discount knowing

                                                                    GOOD AND WELL they have no intention of purchasing anything, and don't get

                                                                    me started on the customers who are ALWAYS RIGHT! My stay in Florida was

                                                                    weird to say the least, I guess that's why there are so many beaches, so we can

                                                                    veg out and forget how Southern Rude we are with one another.  I worked very

                                                                    hard to set a standard of getting paid.  I never liked money, what I've seen it do

                                                                    ya know, more bad than good from my perspective at the time.  I even tried to

                                                                    work out that whole, money is just the flow of energy suggestion, but all I could

                                                                    feel were very BAD VIBES!! I just wanted to live in Peace and that seemed so very expensive.  Although I cared not for money, I took on a character I believed would attract it so I could purchase Peace.  Imagine that, purchasing peace.  It's amazing what your mind can believe is possible, and there are salesmen all primed and ready to help you fall flat on your face for an enormous fee along the way.  For me, Peace began to look more and more like a humble hut in a foreign country miles away from civilization. 

Me sporting my rose colored glasses, practicing not being judgmental while trying to make money to purchase PEACE : .

  "Hey there creepy untrustworthy looking fellow hiding in the bushes. How much does it cost not to hear another human breathing for 

   the remainder of my stay here in Purgatory please?  Oh just my moral character, and a pinch of free will, that's it! 

  Where do I sign up?"   

 

Although I invested in this Mantra of personal standard with great pride, I watched as my earnings went backwards.  That Americana Hunger, to make my piggy bank a lil' stronger sold me, I was ALL IN.  I remember finding a Local Kentucky Jeweler to purchase an engagement ring I could afford to marry this backwards ass life I was determined to face forward.  I kid you not, as that ring shipped from Kentucky, making its journey to my home in Florida so did the TRUTH.  The truth that I didn't care about money, only what it could buy.  The truth that I had yet to discover true happiness. I was surviving, not living.  The truth my friends, is UNDENIABLE. I am still not completely sure if I had to take this route of lying to myself, that fake it till you make it attitude to acquire Peace.  Would I truly know Peace, could I honestly appreciate charity, gratitude, and humility if I were not set on this journey to experience these emotions piece by painfully grueling piece?  Learning life's lessons seems to be unescapable.  I actually piled up more painful lessons by trying to escape life's lessons.  I had a great mindset coach that would always say to me when I have reached the peak of my patience "Just Allow".  I would think to myself... Allow all this hurt to flow through my body, for how long?  It feels TERRIBLE, I can't bear it, but resistance is futile, and I can guarantee you, it does nothing more than add MORE PAINFULL lessons in the long run.  When I let go, when I let my hurts, and everyone else's hurts run through me, as I focused on peace... that is when Peace came to visit me. 

That was the price. Be Still : . Allow : .

I Am Peace : .

                                                                          I AM MOST AWARE: To give a little foundation to this read, let me start by 

                                                                          saying I am a Virgo, and both of my parents served over 15 years each in the

                                                                          military, perfection is an understatement as to how I process completing a 

                                                                          task. I am actually quite compulsive about reaching perfection, which is

                                                                          agonizing when presented with the fact that there is no such thing as perfect. 

                                                                          What is a job well done where perfection does not exist but is expected.  I'll

                                                                          tell ya, high levels of agitation and micron pens that illustrate anxiety seem to 

                                                                          feel like a job well done to me.  I realized late in life that my low expectations

                                                                          of respect between individuals is actually a very high standard for most

                                                                          people.  I have been pushing for perfection everywhere I go, majority of my

                                                                          environments were not conducive to an outcome worthy of a perfectionists

                                                                          approval anyway.  It's all a set up. And how do I even begin to approach

                                                                          perfection when we imperfect humans are in power, why even try.  Aha,

                                                                          there's my good friend paranoia hinting at suicidal thoughts, right on time. 

 

When I realized that my pursuit of perfection made me so very imperfect I was crushed and humbled. Now that I've hit my late thirties, I've found that I tend to experience two emotions at once rather than just one.  The negative aggressive emotion hits first and if I sit with it for a few minutes in silence, the opposing more peaceful solution oriented emotion whispers helpful suggestions to my Artistic Soul.  I am 36 years old living through COVID and I have been challenged to reconstruct what healthy boundaries are, what kindness is, boy what a task.  My core memories started crumbling, one safe place at a time.  I quickly realized that I would have to change, reconstruct my ideals of perfection.  I would have to do things differently, most of which exist outside of my comfort zone. Sigh... 

 

Change to me feels like batting an empty penyata, alone, in the cold, without a coat. I know, I know drama queen. Yep thats why writing is soooo therapeutic

 

Since existing here in purgatory suggests that I must change to achieve peace, it became very important to me to learn what inspires me to change. I began each day to pay attention to when I would do something differently even if it was a tiny thing, I would ask myself why.  I would explore what caused the anomaly.  I came to two simple conclusions.  I would do things differently if a) I was trying to avoid something or someone, and b) I would change if inspired by another human being.  I found that doing things differently to avoid something or someone eventually led to more layers for porch therapy sessions.  To resolve that issue I am teaching myself to stand my ground, to not avoid situations or people, this is very challenging, but leads to less running and avoiding.  Practicing verbal communication is most effective, for this I will have to expand my vocabulary.  These things take time. 

 

Doing things differently because I am inspired by another human being has been my most favorite environment conducive to change. I noticed that when I am around patient people my innergy levels bounce through the roof.  I've notice that educators give me this vibe the best.  Individuals who are excited to share what they have learned and patient to teach it.  A few months back I was working for a company that sold C-Reader Pens.  The owner of the company is Winston Churchill's grandson and has dyslexia.  The company helps students with dyslexia access text so they can keep up with the class.  I have never been tested for dyslexia, but the product and everything around it made me feel a type of safe within education I have never felt before.  Words are hard for me to capture. Words tend to trigger massive images in my mind, next comes this deep impulse to illustrate the image, then the semester is over and I am sitting in front of a test with questions and way too many plausible possibilities. "OOPS!"

 

Learning has always been a struggle for me as I process seemingly unnecessary information that distracts from the focal point of the educator.  I learn best in one on one settings and have found audio and video recordings to work great as I can rewind and replay as much as I need for comprehension.  Education is Peace.  Now that I've learned this about myself, I make a point to surround myself around patient educators.  I am learning to communicate that I need patience from those who do not notice I am struggling, this is a challenging request for me and outside of my comfort zone, but it is my change necessary for my growth.  I have learned so much in a short period of time.  All of this learning has inspired changes within myself that seem to lead towards a more productive and closer to an impossibly perfect outcome.  Yeah, I'm not letting go of perfection, I told you I am a Virgo, August Virgo specifically.  I am grateful for those educators who are patient with my Artistic Soul.  I am most aware of my imperfections and inspired to change when surrounded by patient human beings : .

 

   

EXERCISE YOUR POWER OF NO: 

LONG LIVE OUR DREAMS:

GIVE ME SILENCE OR GIVE ME PEACE:

DRINK PLENTY OF WATER WHILE PARADIGM SHIFTING:

THE SPACE IN BETWEEN IS CALLED CHORES:

FEED THE BRAIN NURTURE THE SOUL:

DEAR EMPATH:

COMPLETE THE TASK:

GROW YOUR ONION:

FREAKWENCY:

FOR THE ABANDONED

DISENGAGING:  

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